Art Therapy Week 11: Writing a goodbye letter

Routines.
Everyone stresses about keeping routines, especially for children.
But what happens when nothing in your routine has changed and yet, things change.
I know, I am still talking about the no napping toddler here and I promise that this will be the last time that I talk about this subject. It has been challenging and is taking me a little bit longer to get back into the groove of things. I have been working on my art journal through out which has helped to relax me. I have completed zentangles for week 9 & 10.

For week 11 I decided to work on what I am going through right now and that is how I am dealing with saying goodbye to nap time. I thought about how I was grieving over it. It is a loss, perhaps not in the sense that most people would think, but loss takes on many different forms. When dealing with grief and loss writing letters can be one of the most therapeutic way of "letting go". So here is my letter.

Dear Nap Time,
March 11, 2015

Hello. I am not sure where you are, but I wanted to write to you to let you know how much I appreciated you. In those early days of motherhood when I could hardly see straight, just when I thought I could not take anymore, you would come along and I could close my eyes for just long enough to get through two more hours of breastfeeding. You were inconsistent at first. I took some convincing (swing and vacuum app) for you to settle in, but when you did it gave me a moment to breathe and to eat. I miss you naps. I thought it was hard when we went from two naps to just one. It was different, but eventually we made it through and realized that one really good nap was better than two small ones. You helped not only me, but my little one. You made her able to function in the afternoon and straight through dinner time.

About a month ago, without warning you vanished. You didn't even give me a heads up. I was mad. I was mad at you for not being around to help me, but I figured it was just a weird day and that you would be back the next day to give me a change to catch up on Mad Men, but the following day, you were a no show. A month has officially gone by and I have realized that you are gone forever (except if we are in the car, of course). I want you to know how much you helped me and I am now ready to let you go.

Completed Mind Map

Hello. Did you miss the latest Art Therapy Lesson? You can find out more details of it here. Today I wanted to share with you my completed map. It was fun and relaxing. I mean, any time your in your late 30's and you pull out crayons to color I say that's a great way to unwind.

Here is a look at my completed mind map.

Art Therapy Lesson 8: Create a mind map

For this week's lesson I wanted to focus on what's running through my head. I have so many things running through my mind and I feel like these thoughts Mind maps.

What are they?
A mind map is a visual map that can be used to organize thoughts. I find it to be especially helpful as I am more of a visual learner. An idea or theme is placed in the middle and all your "thoughts" about the idea are placed around it using images, words, or whatever you want.

How can they help?
It can help lessen stress by getting these racing thoughts on paper and organizing them in a brainstorming way. You can use mind maps for studying, organizing thoughts or to push your creative limits. For example, say you want to create a new painting but are at a loss of what to paint. Write the word inspiration in the middle and just branch out all the things that you think of associated with that. One branch could be paint and from there just expand.

My mind map started out with the word goals in the center. Goals are what runs my life. I am constantly checking in on what goals I have and how I want to grow. Without goals I don't think I could function. I always need to be learning and/or growing. I think for me I am always evolving. I think I have always been this way. There is always something else I should be doing. It isn't necessarily something better, just more. We only live one life and I want to live my to the fullest that I can. 

So with goals as my focus I branched out some of the biggest areas that I am focused on:
 1) Move to California
 2) health
 3) me
 4) work.

Move to California. For me, these days my mind is pretty much focused around my move to California. It is stressful in that we don't know when we are going and we will not know until my husband finds a job. This not knowing when has certainly created an anxiety around the move. It impacts a lot like when do we start to get rid of our things, how do I plan to do it, and much more. We also have to find somewhere to live (eventually as we will be staying with my in laws until we find somewhere). It is a really big move. A girlfriend of mine moved to California several years ago. I spoke to her just yesterday and I apologized on how unsupportive I must of been when she was moving. I didn't realize how much of an emotional journey it was and must of been for her. I mean, I am crying over getting rid of some of my useless junk that I have been hoarding in my junk drawer. No, not crying like literal sobbing over a deck of playing cards that had a few cards missing that I keep because I could somehow use them as a scrapbooking embellishment but never got around to doing it. I told her how I wish I could have been more there for her. Looking back at it I should of helped her out more, but as the saying goes "when you know better you do better".

Health. I will be completely honest here. I complain about my weight and how I look since having my baby, but I am totally falling into that area where I blame my weight on my almost 2 year old child. At some point I have to take responsibility for my weight. The other day I was talking to my friend and bitching about our weight as we often do. I told her that I didn't know why it was that I was overweight. I told her that I ate fine, but the weight never went down. As I was saying the words I meant it. I really thought I ate fine. I cook most of the meals we eat and we only eat out about three meals a week. The next day I was determined to change my weight. I started using a food tracker app (itracker) and after the first day I was shocked. I was eating pretty much a lot and a lot of bad things. When my daughter doesn't finish her meal, I will eat it. When my husband bakes cookies I will eat some. I began to notice that I really wasn't eating as "healthy" as I thought I was. So, on February 16, I started to change how I ate. It hasn't been that long and I already lost three pounds! I will be added some exercise once my T25 system comes in the mail.

Me. This is an area that makes me sad and happy at the same time. Let me explain. I love being a mom. It is amazing to watch a little person who was in your belly grow and become a talking little human. It is great. I love it. At the same time, I miss the old me. I miss how I was carefree. I miss buying clothes and shopping at Sephora. Through this mind mapping I realized that becoming a mom didn't change who I was it was not working that did that. The lose of income for me was a big loss of independence.

Work. This is the section that I have not finished yet. This is the area in my life that is lacking and I want so badly to fill that void again. I started working on this blog and writing consistently in January. I also just posted some stuff on my Etsy. I will say that doing that has definitely created a shift in how I feel over all. Working for me was not only financial, it was empowering.

I am still working on my mind map. It has been therapeutic getting it out on paper and less stressful then I thought it would be. To be honest, it pretty much is my vision board expanded. It has all the goals that I wanted for the year, only difference is that I have added steps that I need to take in order to get to those goals. It has helped me to identify what is important for me and what I should be most focused on.

Once it is done I will be sure to share the finished map.

Happy Mapping!

Art Therapy Lesson 7: Free Form Writing

I will admit that this week I was not feeling very inspired nor motivated to do anything creatively with this art therapy journal. (I know, its week seven and if I am already feeling like this how will I ever make it through til the end of the year right?!) Last week I did a free form painting exercise and this week I wanted to continue with that and I started out with wanting to write freely. So here is what I did.

I knew I wanted to write about love since Valentine's day is right around the corner. I sprayed my paper with some Heidi Swapp glittery mist in red. Once it dried I drew a heart which I wanted to fill with words. I set a timer for 5 minutes and once I was ready I hit the clock and started to just freely wrote whatever come to mind when I thought of the word love. I did not pay attention to grammar of if things made sense. I just wrote. This exercise is helpful to use when you are feeling stressed about a situation for example. Writing things out without fear sometimes brings a sense of clarity.

Once I was done, I decorated around the heart with some zentangles. If you have never completed a Zentangle, I promise you that if you start you will be addicted. You can see the lesson on Zentangles here.

Enjoy the holiday with your loved ones and remember to tell them you love them everyday, not just on Valentine's Day!

Art Therapy Lesson 6: Free Form Painting

For this week's lesson I wanted to focus on relaxation and how will be do that some of you may be asking, well, we are going to complete three paintings in 30 minutes. Insert the panic here for some, but hear me out. 

To get us in the state of relaxation, we will be doing a body scan first. Body scans are widely used in the mediation field to help one become more aware of their breathing and on their body. It helps the mind the slow down and to allow ourselves to accept whatever creativeness that manifests itself. For this exercise I want you to focus on relaxing so there is no judgements here. There is no statements like "I can not paint" or "I am not an artist" or "I am not creative enough". We are all creative. Our self doubt and judgements are what gets in our way of our process. So, change those statements to more positive ones.

I can paint.
I am an artist.
I am creative.

1. The Bunny Hop 2. The Slayer 3. The Winter Blues

Ok. Here we go.
First prepare your supplies. We will be doing three paintings. I used my ink pads as my medium and three sheets of plain white card stock. I stamped my inks onto some acrylic blocks when you add some water the ink becomes a great medium and the clean up is so easy.

Once your supplies are out get ready to mediate a bit. I like to use some soft tranquil music in the background during this exercise. I stream a zen station via Pandora, but you can use whatever you find to be relaxing or no music at all if thats what you prefer.

The scan is simple. Close your eyes and take a few deep breathes. Become aware of the air coming in. How does it feel through your nose and entering your lungs. Do you see a color? Focus on the way your belly goes in and out. How does your chest lift up and down? Starting at your feet, feel how they are placed on the ground feel your breath rising through your toes and to your ankles. Feel it as it travels through your calfs into your knees. Watch it as it continues to travel through your thighs and your hips into your stomach. Take a few more deep breathes. If you have any other thoughts coming in gently acknowledge them and push them away. Feel the air in your lungs and as it travels and fills your heart. It continues to move up and out through your nose and fills your mind. Sit with this moment for a little bit. Take one more deep breath and now lets paint.

Get your brush ready with some ink or paint (whichever you chose) and close your eyes. Doodle on your paper. When you feel as though you are done open your eyes. Now exam your drawing. Do you see anything in it. Turn it around a few times until you can make something out of it. Again no pressure! As you can see here in this painting I saw a bunny. Once you find something use your supplies to paint it. Do twice more (just the paintings not the scan). Name your paintings.

Notice how did you feel during the second and third paintings. Were you more relaxed in the third? For me I found my third painting to be the easiest. I am not sure if it was because of how I felt or that it was just that my creative mind found something beautiful in the scribbles effortlessly unlike the first two. It is also my favorite. I called it "The Winter Blues" which is kinda how I am feeling with all this snow surrounding us New Englander's as of late. 

The point of this exercise is to boost your creativity through relaxing your judgements and being in a somewhat Zen state.

Art Therapy Lesson 5: Write a love letter to yourself

The idea of starting this year long Art Therapy Journal Project came from my desire to find myself. I am aware that as I write that it may come across as super cheesy, but hear me out. Over the last two years, I became a wife and a mother. I always felt that I knew exactly who I was, but giving birth to a little one certainly can shake that thought away from your head quickly. I admit, I started to change. I changed in ways that I thought was good and bad. I imagine my friends could equally say the same thing. I will say that what has been the biggest change is in how I judge myself. I am, most of the time, so hard on myself. I gained a few extra pound over the holidays on a body that I haven't cared much for since giving birth to my daughter. (Seriously though, will I ever not look pregnant after I have eaten a meal and why does my gut start soo high up right under my boobs!)

Somewhere along the way, I lost my ability to love myself. The other day while watching the movie "Friend Green Tomatoes" Kathy Bates' character says the greatest line ever. She says, "I am too young to be old and too old to be young". I watched the words leave her lips and thought to myself YES, THAT'S IT. I am feeling like an old woman trapped in a young mind. So, how do you change that you may be asking yourself. Well, you write yourself a love letter. I mean, really how does one expect others to love you when you don't even love yourself.

 So, the challenge this week is to write yourself a love letter. I created a scrapbook layout to tuck my love letter into because I enjoy that medium, but you can do whatever it is that works for you.

Thanks for stopping by and joining in on this challenge.

Susan

Art Therapy Journal Lesson 4: Keeping your Zen

This week I have had a lot of things on my mind. I feel like things are moving quickly and yet, I have been sitting still just watching things go by. Does that make any sense, because in my mind it totally does. When I thought of what I wanted to do this week, I wanted to keep it simple. I wanted to relax my mind. I needed to unwind.

Intitally, the idea of completing a self portrait came to mind. I began drawing it out and began to notice that I was stressing myself out over the fact that I can not draw faces. I can't do it. I have tried and it is just not in me. I have learned to accept this flaw and have moved on, but I felt myself getting very stuck on making the perfect self portrait. I started working on the mouth area and I just began doodling where I had made a mistake... enter the creation of the Zentangle.

Zentangles are abstract doodle creations which are fun, quirky and the repetitiveness nature of them have calming effects (for some, I suppose it may induce panic). I proceeded to spend literally three hours doodling while I listened to Simon & Garfunkel. I honestly believe that Paul Simon and I are meant to meet one day while I am walking through Central Park which would be really random since I have never been to Central Park, but I digress. I think the finished product speaks to exactly what I am feeling like on most days, I have literally 100 thoughts going on in my mind all at the same time.

The Zentangle is a great way to relax and the internet is filled with examples of doodles to make. I will warn you that once you start making them it is seriously hard to stop making them. They are addicting. So join me and show me your Zentangle.

*I do still plan to have a self portrait lesson in a later on down the line.

Art Therapy Journal: Lesson 3 Inspiration

Inspiration.
The word means different things for different people.
Some people are inspired by words while others are inspired by fashion.
Some are inspired by individuals and some are inspired by groups who take a stand.
And some are inspired by all of those examples.

When I thought about the lesson for this week, I couldn't help but be moved by the unity of the people in France. After a week of chaos and fear, they stood together. Millions of them and walked the streets. hand in hand. It was moving. It was very inspiring to watch. I began to think about things that inspire me. Things that touch my heart or get my creative side excited.

This week I created a layout. I created a mini photo shoot. Read: During nap time I applied some makeup, did my hair and took selfies with my iPhone. I haven't taken a picture of myself in quite some time and I must say I laughed at myself after I was done, but I did like the process. It was fun which then, in turn made me want to create with them. I was so inspired.

I wanted the layout to have a clean polished look so I used my computer for the journaling.
Journaling reads:
I am inspired by strong outspoken women.
I love the simplicity of the sun rising each day and the trees blooming each spring.
I am inspired by the creative minds song writes as their pends are the keys to unlocking magic.
I love watching the look in my daughter's eyes when she sees something for the first time.
I am inspired by those who stand up to bullies.
I love hoodwinking has the ability to connect everyone regardless of age, race or gender.

So what inspires you? Is it things that have always inspired you or have they involved over time? Are you drawn to the abstract world like ideas or more of the concrete tangible stuff like paintings? What makes you stop in your tracks and appreciate what it is for a moment? Share your thoughts. I would love to see what you come up with!

Lesson 2: Being Transparent

Lesson 2: Being Transparent

It's hard to not hear the word transparent now a days. It's everywhere. Every commercial or in depth news programs have been talking about companies wanting to be transparent to their employees and businesses wanting to be transparent to their customers. Journalist want to be transparent to those whose stories they cover. For some the word transparent may be a new thing, but it is a term that has been used in the therapeutic setting for quite some time.

Webster's defines the word "transparent" as:

: able to be seen through : easy to notice or understand : honest and open : not secretive

When we think of becoming transparent, the notion of being open and honest with those we love and care for may come to mind first. Often times we overlook the most important person of all to be open and honest with...ourselves. Let's be clear, without being honest with ourselves about things how are we to ever freely show who we are to others. 

For this lesson I want you to think about yourself in a nonjudgmental manner. Are you truly transparent? Do people see the real you? Do they know who you are? Your fears. What are the things that you are afraid if others saw you would be judged?

For me this lesson was a hard one and one that I wanted to work on throughout this year. I make it appear that I have it all undercontrol with being a mother, but inside I am struggle with making it work. Some of the times I don't say things because I don't want people to "get the wrong idea" or misinterpret what I mean. Isn't it silly that we are our worse critics and we are the ones we judge the most. Should we be our own cheerleaders. 

For my page I decided to use a play on the word transparent to actually use an image transfer method as my starting point. I printed out a picture of me (I used the most recent one I had and let me tell you, this year I will take more pictures of myself. I had a hard time finding one, but that is another story altogether). I printed the image on wax paper and rubbed it on two sheets of card. I cut the first image in half as I wanted to convey the message of what the journaling in the front was what people saw on the outside but when you opened it up was what I was in the inside. I stepped out of my comfort zone and used a new technique with the wax paper transfer and I really liked how it came out. For me this page really was a therapeutic journey. I really dug deep into what the real me is saying for sure and was Insecure with a capital "I". It drives my whole day and life. I worry about how I am judged, liked, viewed as a woman and most importantly a mother. It really can be overwhelming at times and I know it is an area that I need to work on. It is a small "shift" in the way that I think that will begin to facilitate change. I know this. I just need to start it. 

So will you join me. Be honest in your pages or whatever medium you chose to work in. We will work on what we really our on the inside in later lessons. 

Take care. 

Susan

Art Therapy 2015 - Lesson One: Vision Board

 I hinted to a new adventure that I wanted to take on for the new year and today I wanted to share with you what it is. Over the last 10 plus years I have always made resolutions that I never followed through on. Losing weight was always at the top of that list. Several years I made it to my "goal weight" but found that I still felt fat. I realized this year that what I needed to do was work on what was going on in my brain and on how I felt about myself regardless of what size I am.

There is another part of me that misses working and as a licensed therapist I miss that part of my life so dearly. In the past I ran several art therapy groups with at risk teens. It was amazing to watch how hard core they were when they entered the door and to see the layers just shed off through some of the exercises we did.

I have also been a scrapbooker or memory keeper as some will call us now for over a decade. I have noticed though that since starting the Project Life I scrapbook less about my feelings and thoughts than I did in the past. I do love PL don't get me wrong. I love watching how our lives have changed week to week and having a little one its a super way to chart her growth and watch how she reached her milestones. I do miss the other stuff though.

So I had the idea to marry all of these things to create a new adventure for this year. I decided to start an Art Therapy Journal and I would like you to join*. I want to push myself this year to become the healthiest that I have been, not just in the physical sense but in the emotional as well.

 So, what is this Art Therapy Journal going to entail you may be asking yourself. So, once a week I will post a challenge centered around helping you to find personal growth and to discovery yourself in a way that (hopefully) will push you beyond your limits. The end results will be a year full of challenges focused on you. I mean, I am sure you are the last person you ever think of (I see you nodding yes).

What I am working in:
Over the years I have noticed that I am a 8.5 x 11 girl. I love this size and I find it hard to work in any other size. At Michael's I found a super deal on some Smashbook (3 ring binder) that I purchased on clearance for $2 plus I had a coupon on Black Friday which means I nearly got it for free. Win Win. I Modge Podged some book paper that I had (its a Lady and the Tramp book so you will see the word Tramp all over which makes me laugh hysterically) all over it. I also added some pattern paper from who knows where and some wood numbers that I got from one of my PL Studio Calico Kits (no clue which one). So there you have it. My book. My place to store all things me. The good. The bad and the progress.

 Assignment One:

Make your 2015 Vision Board.

If you have ever watch the movie "The Secret" then you are no stranger to what a Vision Board is. A vision board is literally a visual item where you place all that you want in your life. The purpose is to place it somewhere where you can see it daily and see yourself already having these items. The theory of the law of attraction is that what you put out into the universe is what you will get back. In other words, if you are miserable all the time and negative only negative things will be attracted to your life. 

Back in March 2010 I was single and had been for quite some time. I was sad and felt like "the one" was never going to come around. I met a few guys, but they were all about playing the "game" rather looking for anything real. I remember coming across the movie "The Secret" late one night when I could sleep on Netflix. It was 4 am. I had been crying my eyes out. I felt deflated. Lost. Alone. So I watched. It completely changed my life. I went out right away (my local CVS was open 24 hours) and made my vision board that day. I wrote that I wanted to be married, pass grad school, travel, I wanted to start a family, I wanted to lose weight and I wanted to publish a book. 

I was exhausted and I went to bed. When I got up I joined Match.com. Two weeks later I went on a date with a guy named Gilbert. We got married Two years later and we now have one baby girl. I graduated with my Masters degree in Social Work and before the vision board I had not been on a plane since I was 12. After I added that I wanted to travel I have been on 20 flights (2 countries and several states). Its amazing how it worked for me. So I know firsthand the power of positive thinking. 

Join me on this journey. Along the way we will have a giveaway or two and some fun.

I would love to see your visions for 2015. Link me to them in your comments.

*please note that there will not be any actually therapy just challenges that you will do on your own.