Moving Across the Country

Lately it seems that I have been just walking in circles. I find myself always at the starting line of something new and exciting only to meet many detours. This week things seem to be going more smoothly and in a straight line. I can see the finish line and that motivates me to continue this journey.

In January of this year, my family and I decided to move to California. I am currently a stay at home mom so the thought of relocating for me was not going to be a major move in the way of changing jobs or anything of that nature. My husband, on the other hand needed to find a position to transfer to in Southern California. His job (he is an account manager for a major US product) does not offer transfers to their employees. Instead he had to wait for a position opened up and apply for it even though he has worked for the company for over 15 years. To say that this has been a frustrating road block would be a major understatement. He has applied to several positions, none of which were what he was currently doing and has not landed a job. Yet.

The last seven months has been a waiting game. The limbo of not knowing where we will be makes it quite challenging to make plans. I haven't been able make any future planning with friends, for vacations or family trips. I haven't been able to make any major or minor purchases for the house because the constant thinking of how I will move it across the country always crosses my mind.

I think because I have been so wrapped up in these thoughts that I have not really given much thought of what a huge change it will be for me. I was born and raised in the city that I live in now. I have never lived anywhere else.

This is all I know.

My life is here. I have my friends here. I started my career here. I have my doctors here. I know these roads and feel comfortable going anywhere.

It seems as though (positive thinking here) that a job may be closer now than in the past seven months. My thoughts on moving have shifted from thinking of it in the abstract to much more concrete thinking. Like my stomach kinda hurts thinking about it sort of way.

I have visited SoCal a few times over the years. I appreciate that it is always sunny in southern California, but honestly, I love rain. I will miss the rain more than I think anyone will know. Rain to me helps me to take a break and also, for some reason, sparks my creativity. I also enjoy the seasons. I like the fact that in the winter it might snow. I like the image of snowflakes falling on Christmas eve. One year we spent the holidays in Cali and it was just odd to me. It was odd to wear a t-shirt outside while it was 80 degrees on Christmas Day. I mean, Santa must be a hot mess by the time he gets to Cali, right?!

I spent last night at one of my friends house's. It was nice. It was comfortable and relaxing. We had dinner. We chatted. We watched a movie together. When it was over I just got in my car and headed home. I realized that may be one of the last times that I will just hang out with her, laughing and talking about the latest celebrity scandal. I have been to her houses many times since January, but last night felt different. Perhaps it is some sixth sense.

I accept that I will be sad about moving, but it is a move that will be good for me and for my family.

I expect that things will be different. I anticipate crying about my loss of "independence". I also know that things will be better. I know that during the holidays we will not be just a family of three eating Christmas meal together but rather a family of over 20 huddled together laughing and celebrating. I know that others will care about watching my daughter grow up into a little girl and that they want to be a part of it so badly.

This is a good thing for me, for us.

Some of my greatest achievements have come after a big change.

California.
I am ready to move.

Learning from failing

Most nights when my little one goes to bed, I retreat to our bedroom to work on some sort of craft. (We live in a tiny apartment and space is limited). Some nights I am scrapbooking and all goes well. I am in no way an expert scrapbooker. My use of embellishments is minimal and my journaling is lack luster, but I accept that as being part of who I am as a scrapbooker. I am ok with it.

The other crafts that I work on during the other 75% of the time usually turn out like crap. I am not excerating here. I spend a lot of time on projects that never pan out to anything good. I call it wasted time. I blame two things for these epic fails; Pinterest and my undiagnosed inablilty to focus which I believe some would call ADD.

 The invention of Pinterest has made my already overwhelmed brain crazy with an abundant amount of stuff. Some of the stuff looks so easy to make. For example, I saw a lovely Salt Dough Wreath that was so stinking cute I just had to make it. Well, let's just say that the balls were as deflated as the rumored Patriots footballs. It was terrible.

Pinterest one. Me zero.

There have been countless crochet patterns that I have tried and have hated the end result. There has been sewing patterns that have gone completely wrong. I have attempted to knit and failed immediately. I have tried to paint and channel my inner Bob Ross and I ended up with sad and pathetic little trees rather than his happy ones.

The other night after attempting to make a shirt my husband asked me what I was working on. I laughed as I told him that the material I had used wasn't the best choice (satin) and was making my cutting totally not straight which then, in turn, made my lines all off. I did tell him that it wasn't coming out well, but that I did notice that I was learning quite a bit. I had learned how to serge using my own machine rather than needing to pay extra for a serger. I also learned how to make a button hole and how to place a button using the sewing machine which was so cool I literally yelped with excitement.

I realized in that moment that if I just shifted my perspective just a tiny bit I could see all the positive things that were going on. So what the shirt is lopsided. I made quite the button hole. I have also been making some clutches that are so cute which I plan to put up in the shop really soon as soon as I take really good pictures of them.

SO the message of this post is, yes, you can have failures, but in those moments we are continuously learning something new. Embrace it.