Whole30 and the results are in

I finished my first round of Whole30.
It was an amazing journey.
I had no idea how the 30 days were going to pan out. I knew that it would be challenging and I hoped that I would lose some weight, but what I did not realize was how I was going to feel during the last two weeks while on the program. I felt amazing. Actually I think the word amazing is not even enough of an adjective to express what I felt like. Allow me to explain.

Above you can see that I lost a lot of weight and inches. I am glad that I took the first photo because I would not have believed how different I would have looked in 30 short days. I learned to think of food in a different way. I learned to read labels with a different thought process and clearly I have learned that we really are what we eat. When you eat like crap you feel like crap.

During the Whole30 after the initial week of headaches and tiredness grumpiness I felt incredible. I had an abundant amount of energy. I could literally feel my blood cells breathing in and out. I did not want to sit still. I wanted to get up and move. I walked. I danced. Most importantly I smiled. A lot. It is hard to explain, but I could feel my insides smiling.

I ended my 30 days on Friday and since then I have not been eating Whole30 compliant. I haven't been eating terrible, but I have had a hot dog or too and a grinder. I will say that I have noticed a change already in my mood. So much so that I will start my second round of Whole30 next monday. Originally I was going to wait until August, but I want to get closer to my goal weight 125 sooner rather than later and I want to smile from the inside out again.

I would love to hear from you!
Have you completed the program?
Have you done a second round?
How did you feel the second round?

Whole30: Week 3

I'm sitting at my computer writing this post on the 22 day of my Whole30 journey. I am amazed with myself that I have stuck with it. I continue to feel incredible. My energy level is through the roof. I am no longer just laying on the couch tired on rainy days because of my arthritis. My mood has been great, (read no pms bitchiness). It's been great overall. I did attend one party this week where I did not drink while everyone else was and I was fine with it. I also attended a concert and again, I did not drink and I was fine with it. Not drinking has been easy.

This week may be a bit more challenging because it is the 4th of July holiday, but I am planning ahead to make sure I stay on track. I have a cook out and a party to go to over the weekend, but with a plan I know I can do it with no worries.

At the end of this I plan to share a big post with some of my new meals that I have loved during this time including this garlic tomato shrimp pictured above.

Enjoy your holiday and Happy Canada day for my Canadian peeps!!!

Week Two: Whole30

Today I hit a milestone.

It is day 14 of my Whole30 journey.
It is a place that I did not think I would have reached if I am being completely and wholeheartedly honest.
I did think I would make it, but I thought I would have cut some corners here and there. I thought I would have cheated by now, but as I write this I am proud to say that I am fully committed to seeing this though. The past 14 days have not been easy, but it also hasn't been that challenging either. I thought that I would be craving things like a crazy woman and I just am not. The only thing that had been the hardest for me to give up was the soda. That was hard. The first two days I had such a bad headache that on the third day I began to drink black coffee. I hate coffee, but I hate headaches so I drank a small cup on the third day. I became very jittery and super shaky so on the fourth day I gave that up too.

Planning my meals the night before has been good. It has helped with the looking into the fridge and not knowing what to make. I actually don't mind not eating the things that I am not suppose to. I think because I know that it is temporary and, again if I being completely honest I don't really miss them. I went to a party and that was easy for me to say no to what I couldn't have. I ate before I went and I brought a fruit platter and picked from that. Not drinking alcohol wasn't that big of a deal either. Drinking for me lately had been getting old. Or maybe it was me who was getting old since I was finding that I was feeling hungover after having two glasses of wine anyway so I don't miss drinking.

The two biggest things that have motivated me to keep going has been how I look and how I feel. I look like I have lost a lot of weight. My mid section is significantly smaller that it was when I started. I just bought a romper in a medium size when I had been an xlarge before starting this plan. I don't get that bloated feeling anymore. My stomach rarely makes any of those weird gurgling noises that it once did. My skin looks better. Food tastes better. I just feel better overall.

I will admit that I am getting pretty sick of eggs in the morning so I am off to pinterest to search for some new recipes for breakfast!

Starting Whole 30

Health has been on my mind a lot lately. I think the fact that at the end of the year I will be 40. Wow. 40. Somehow even as I write it, the idea of turning 40 has not really felt like it is really real. I imagine that most people feel like this, like 40 is the number that finally makes you stop and realize that you have entered the adult world, but anyway.
I have been faithful in my commitment to walking. It has become something that I have looked forward to. I put on a podcast and just start walking. I walk for about an hour each time I go walking. I would love to say that I go every day, but truth is that I have bilateral hip replacements and Rheumatoid Arthritis which means I have to rest on some days. My goal for each day is 7000 steps. I am a stay at home mom so this is a good starting area for me. I was only averaging about 2000 steps a day before the FitBit. Most days I go over the 7000 steps. I have not felt tired, but occasionally my knee swells up which is my body reminding me to take a break. After my walks, which I usually do in the morning I ate whatever and I noticed that I wasn't really losing any weight, but I was losing inches though. I knew that I needed to take my health to the next level.
I decided to start the Whole 30 program. (Follow the link to learn more about it). I had learned about it through some blogs and I was impressed with how people looked after completing the program. I figured it was just 30 days and it could reshape the way I look at food.

On June 11, 2015 I began my journey and I want to share what worked well for me and what didn't.

What worked well this week:

• I was eager to start the program
• I found some great recipes on Pinterest to motivate me including a lovely sweet potato hash
• Being a stay at home mom helped because I was able to stay focused and not be persuaded to any lunch dates

What was a challenge this week:

• Soda. Diet soda. I am addicted. I didn't realize how much so until I had to give it up. I will be honest, I did not give it up until 4 days in as I slowly decreased my intake. I was drinking up to 4 a day. As I write this I am on my second day of my detox from Diet Coke. I will admit it was really hard. It still is. It has really been the only thing that I miss. I miss the sound of the can opening up. I have bene getting terrible headaches and I feel really tired. I have read that it is a side affect from the apertame leaving my body. 

Right now I only have 25 days left to go and I have a party the day after I end the program. I have the most lovely outfit in mind to show off my new body. I will share a post of some of my meals that helped me later on in the week.

How I use the FitBit and Nike+ to get healthy and lose weight

This last year I have gained 10 pounds.
I didn't know why.
No matter how much I tried to eat right I was not losing any weight.
I could not understand it.

Then I got the Fitbit Flex Wireless Activity + Sleep Wristband, Black .

I was amazed and horrified by the information that it gathered in the first few days of wearing it. I was averaging less then 2000 steps a day and while I was sleeping it was mostly restless.

How could this be?! After the shock wore off, I realized that I needed to make some changes. I needed to get moving not only for vanity sake but let's face it, I am almost almost 40 (later in the Fall) and for health reasons getting more oxygen into my body is a good thing.

So after the half week of monitoring how little I was moving I decided it was time to "step" things up. The FitBit works with an awesome app that is super easy to use and navigate. It not only tracks steps, but it tracks calories and sleep patterns too. I realized that having a goal of 10,000 steps was going to unattainable for me, at this point anyway. So I set my goal to be 7,500 steps a day. I wanted it to be realistic and on days where I pass that number its just an extra bonus.

I also pair it with my Nike+ app which tracks how fast I am walking and how many miles. I like combining the two because both help me to see how I am not only moving each day but how, over time my pace is becoming quicker as the inches shed away.

So it has been about a month using both the FitBit and the Nike+. So far I have lost 3 pounds. I know many of us, me included focus a lot on those numbers on the scale. I will admit that I was a bit bummed about only losing 3 pounds, but I will say this. I think they are off, like really off, not water weight. I had about 18 pounds to lose so I lost about a fourth of the weight that I needed to which in that perspective was awesome. Best part is that I have lost inches. A lot of inches. I have lost over 2 inches in my waist which is my main problem area (good bye baby weight from two years ago that wouldn't leave). My face and breast have also slandered down noticeably to the point that people are asking me what I have been doing.

So, would I recommend the FitBit. You betcha. It may not be the most accurate step counter, but it does give you a ball park of reality which is the wake up call that I needed.

I will update you next month on how I continue on this journey.

Celebrating Three Years of Marriage

On May 27th, we celebrated our third wedding anniversary. To say that the years have flown by would be a complete understatement. It has been a whirlwind for sure. Shortly after getting married in California we had a second ceremony in the Azores. We then we pregnant a month later and nine months later we were celebrating the birth of our daughter. It has been magical and today I wanted to share a little from how I made our wedding day personal and our own.

For our centerpieces I just shipped out some vases that I had found at the Christmas Tree Shop. They were cheap and I wasn't too upset if they brought because they were cheap. We printed out names of Green Day albums and Madonna Albums as our seating charts. We also had a menu card and a disposable camera card along with a camera detailing what to take pics of for us. 

Our wedding favor was matches. We met on match.com so it was a no brainer for us. 

Planning our wedding 3000 miles away was a challenge, but it got done. I really relied on the website The Knot for a lot of the things that I needed like the DJ, for example. I relied on the reviews that people gave so if you are ever wondering if you should leave an honest opinion on your experience while using a service please do because it helped me so much. Our DJ was wonderful. We used Extreme DJ Service. They were a bit pricey, but you get what you pay for and in this area I did not mind paying extra. Our DJ was Alex and he was amazing. He contacted me frequently and played the best music. 

The other thing that I didn't mind paying a lot of money for was my hair and makeup. Unfortunately I can not remember who I went with. It was not because I was disappointed because I was so happy with my hair and my makeup was flawless. I loved it. She was great. I know that she worked on Dancing with the Stars and the price I paid reflected that fact, but so well worth it. I will look for the contract to provide you guys with the contact info. 

                   

For me the hardest part was finding a venue. This for me was challenging in that I couldn't pick this when I was out here. I basically went with the first place that I heard about one day when we were out in California visiting our family. It was all really fast and it came together nicely. I originally wanted to have it at a orange grove because our colors were orange, but when we went to Eagle Glen Golf Course. Again, pricey, but in SoCal this was the average price for a wedding. (In MA things are much less expensive, at least I thought so). The meal was ok (we did leave hungry hence the In & Out trip right afterwards), the staff was EXCELLENT and the grounds were so lovely. 

 The flowers were breathtaking. I wasn't going to have any because I am not a big fan of them, but we found a florist who was amazing. We went with Murrieta Flower Shop. The woman who owns this shop was amazing. We Skyped with her and she was truly such a good person. She let us borrow the hooks the line the isle and we then used those same flowers to decorate the tables later on. It was insanely cheap and it made everything look perfect. We brought in our own vases that we shipped from MA. We bought them from our favorite restaurant. They use them to serve water and it was a great way to incorporate a bit of ourselves in the wedding.

It really all came together perfectly.
Here is to many more years.

Reflecting on Becoming a Stay At Home Mom: Part Two

 September 4, 2012

I am so excited. Today I am going to see Madonna at the Garden. This will be my fourth tour and I can not wait to dance the night away. First, I have to go to work for half the day. I woke up at 8:20 am. I have to be at the office by 9 am, but my commute is only 8 minutes so I have just enough time to snooze once. 8:27 am and the alarm beeps again. I get up, brush my teeth throw on some clothes and I'm out the door. I stop at the coffee shop on the way for a bacon, egg and cheese on an english muffin and a hot tea. I'm a little late, but my supervisor is great so I smile as I walk by her and remind her that I am going to be leaving early to see Madonna. She nods that she remembers. I like her. She's cool.
I get to my desk and turn my computer on while I eat. I chat with my coworkers about Madonna, of course, and as soon as my computer is on I hook my iPhone to it to stream Pandora, Madonna music. I sing and dance as I work on my computer logging in my home visit notes from the day before. I answer a few calls praying that none of them are emergencies. I get up several times and chat with people about how excited I am for the concert. I smiled a lot. I notice. Lunch arrives and I ponder on what I am in the mood for. I settle on pizza. Pizza would build a nice base for the drinking I will be doing later on that night so I go with that. 

It's 1pm and I am off to come home and get dressed. The house is quiet. My husband is at work and the dog is sleeping. My clothes have been picked out weeks before. The perfect ode to the 80's: a lace mini skirt, a pink off the shoulder shirt, fingerless gloves and leggwarmers, of course. I shower and do my hair. My shower was about 20 minutes long. It was nice. It was peaceful. At 3 pm, I race out the door. I have an appointment to have my makeup done professionally. Hello. I said I was going to see Madonna. This was an epic event. 

The airbrush machine is rythmically swaying back and forth and I can feel the cool mist of makeup hitting my face. By 4:30 pm I am ready and on the road again. I pick up my girlfriend and we head into the city early for dinner and drinks. We laugh and sing as Madonna plays in the background at the resturant across the street from the Garden. I look around and there are an large array of Madonna fans everywhere. I can feel the cosmos working.

People begin to complain that Madonna is taking to long to hit the stage. I don't notice that she is two hours late as there is a DJ spinning records and I simply stay that she does not feel as though we are ready for her yet.

10 pm she hits the stage and I dance. I dance the night away. It was amazing. I feel carefree without a worry in the world. Two hours later, hoarse and giddy from dancing I drive home and stay up until 4 am surfing Facebook and posting pictures from the concert. I make some late night breakfast and I call it a night since I have to work in less that four hours.

September 4, 2014

The monitor lights begin to blink orange. I hear Marisol calling my name. "Mama...Mama..." she giggles. It's 7:30 am. I get up, use the bathroom then head into her room. She is smiling. She is such a happy little girl. We both enjoy some breakfast while we get to see the first images of Angelina Jolie's wedding dress on the Today Show. Marisol is drinking from a big girl cup (sippy) for the second day in a row and it seems to be going well.

Once breakfast is done, Marisol asks to watch "Yo Gabba Gabba" so we watch a few episodes. Yesterday I bought us tickets to go see "Yo Gabba Gabba" live later on this year.  She has no idea, but this will be her first ever "concert". It will be so much fun. I seriously can not wait to see her face when Foofa wants on the stage.

The rest of the day we clean up, I organize her bureau and I put away most of her 12 month old clothes. It is amazing how fast she is growing. We have a snack which is a yogurt. Marisol rarely eats much, but what she does like she will eat lot of. So we stock up on strawberries, avocado, toast, peanut butter, mac and cheese, and cheese. As you can see, vegetables are not on the list. She can detect the smallest piece in anything that I try to sneak some in. So when I make bread I usually load them up with things like zucchini and carrots to get some in her.

Lunch time has arrived quickly and I reheat some left over chicken. I add some mac and cheese and avocado to it. Feeding a toddler is quite frustrating as it takes longer to prepare her lunch then it does for her to actually eat her lunch. Most of the chicken goes over board, but she did eat two pieces which is a giant improvement so I am happy. All of the mac and cheese is gone and so is the avocado.

After lunch I clean up and check to make sure the ground beef is defrosted for dinner later. It is. I check the cabinet to make sure I have some spaghetti sauce and some ziti which I do. One day I would love to make my own sauce, I add that to the ever growing pinterest it later list. Marisol and I color a little before nap time. She has discovered the world of crayons and she loves them. I also love that she does not put them in her mouth which is great.

It is 1:30 pm and nap time has arrived. Today I am just as tired as little mama is. We read "Mail Harry to the Moon". It is her new favorite and she giggles every time I say "varoom". She thinks it is hysterical. I hand her two pacifiers. One for her mouth and the other she holds and rubs in her eye. Don't ask, I don't know why. It calms her and thats all that I care about, but I start to think about how hard it will be to get rid of not only one pacifier, but two, but then again, I am worrying about something that we are not getting rid of just yet. We just got rid of the bottle which was not as bad as a thought it was going to be at all.

For the next two hours Marisol naps and I attempt to watch Revenge, but soon my eyes feel heavy and I too, nap. I do like that Marisol now naps only once a day because it is usually a longer nap which is nice. It gives me a nice break because I do get quite tired.

When Marisol wakes up, we eat a little snack before dinner which is usually animal crackers. She loved them. As I cook dinner, Marisol has all of the mixing bowls on the floor and she is pretending to cook along side me. She talks the whole time taking a few dancing breaks since the radio is on. She has a love for Michael Jackson and her new favorite song is "Beat It". She loves it.

Dad arrives and we eat. We chat about our day and after dinner Dad and Marisol play while I take a warm bath. My body has been aching as of late. I think I am just getting old. The whole bath time Marisol comes and visits me. It isn't the most relaxing bath, but it is the best one. She is playing peek a boo with me from behind the door and she is cracking herself up. She has the best laugh. It is quite loud and lovely.

Before we know it bath time routine has arrived. I start the bath, getting the milk ready, grab a book, and pay out her pajamas. Dad usually does the bath because I can't bend down for that long because of my hip replacements. So I wait for her on the couch. Reading her book is my favorite time of the day. She is the most still she has been all day long and I feel like it is a reward for all my hard work all day. It is the best.

By 9 pm, Marisol is sleeping and this mama also heads to bed to watch the rest of that Revenge episode, but I fall asleep again.


What a difference two years make. Yes, my day is completely different now, but it is filled with a lot more genuine moments than ever before. The things that made me happy in the past no longer would make the new me happy. Motherhood does change someone. I have changed and I like it. 

Jump

Somewhere between the age of six and eleven, it happens.
The fear of failing.
I suppose Erik Erikson theorists would argue, that, in order to move forward in life we must successfully learn to deal with failures. We must also learn our purpose in life. As I have been studying for my social worker license (insert the reason why I am quoting the works of Erikson here) I have tried to apply the theories and ideas to real life in order to relate more to the material and to remember it, because any of you who have had a baby can attest that the human brain after having a child is nothing like the brain that it was pre-baby.
Erik Erikson was a social worker theorist, who did research on human personality development. He based his work on the work of Sigmuend Freud. He did take it a step further and believed that human's were much more than just unconscious or repressed sexual thoughts and desires. He believed that there was eight stages that each personal successfully managed their way through life.
I started to think about how my little mama does things without thinking much about what the consequence may be. She lives with no fear. She will do anything, at least once, before she decides that she doesn't care for it. I admire that quite a bit. I, on the other hand, have the ability to see what the possible outcome could be before i do anything and I tend to overthink it to death before I decide that I just shouldn't do it.
In the beginning of the year I choose the word "complete" for my one little word and, to be completely honest, I have not used it much. It is not a word that I have used to inspire me throughout the year, at all. I haven't even given it much thought since January. However, the word "jump" has meant a lot to me.
I reflect on this past year, opening up the Etsy shop, starting this blog, applying for my clinical social worker license, etc and the word that has helped push me along has been JUMP. So, here I am in August, more than half way done with 2014 and I am fully invested in making a change this year and finding my true purpose. I want to do the things that make me happy. I want to be the best person that I can be and I am going to jump my way through the rest of the year!

Will you jump with me...

and then it happened

One day you let go of my hand and off you went.
You didn't even look back to make sure I was still there.
I could hear you giggle.
I could feel how independent and proud you were at yourself in that very moment.

How did this happen, I thought to myself. Just the other day I was nursing you at 3 am for what seemed like hours praying that night would be the night that you would sleep for at least two hours in a row. Yet, here we are, a little over a year and what a dramatic difference time has made.

A part of me is happy and is welcoming the change. From the day you were born the pediatrician told me that you wanted absolutely nothing to do with being a baby and that you hated it so very much. I suppose that's why you cried a lot, all the time, for months. Every visit your doctor would take you in her arms and rock you. I thought it was sweet of her and thought she must really like you, but looking back at it now, I think she was doing it more for mommy, because I so needed the break. Those early months were really hard, really really hard.

I just remember each visit your doctor saying, "I promise you, this one is going to be very smart and she is already an adult in her mind". She never used the word colic to describe what was going on, but she insisted that it was your reaction to being a baby. She used the words "hated being a baby" often to describe what was going on with you. In that moment, I didn't really understand what she was saying, perhaps due to sleep deprivation. As I look back now, she was right. You hated being a baby. You hated to be swaddled. You hated being confined to your car seat even in the car. You hated sleep sacks where you couldn't see your feet. You only stopped crying when you found your own voice and started "talking" when you were about four months old.

Fast forward to now. We are at the zoo and you don't want me to hold you. You want nothing to do with your stroller. You want to walk by yourself to each exhibit to talk to the animals.

How did you get so big.
That part makes me sad.
Does that make me selfish?
I finally get what people mean when they say, enjoy it because they grow up so fast.
You did right before my eyes and it did happen so fast.

A Typical Day

There have been a surge of these day in the life posts as of late and I decided to share what a typical day is around here...I will note that it was hard, at times, to remember to take a photo. 

8:45 am: Little Mama wakes up. While she is chatting in her crib I get her bottle ready. She likes to drink her bottle as soon as she gets up. It has been a challenge attempting to transition her to a sippy cup. She will drink from one on occasion, but only a few sips. It also has to been one with a straw, but she is a fussy eater so I don't mind the bottle. 

9 am: Little Mama greets me with a big smile. She is such a happy little one. 

9:30 am: While Little Mama eats her breakfast, usually pancakes and strawberries, I work on blog posts and check my social media friends. 

10 am to 11:30 am: House work gets done and supper is prepped. Lately Little Mama helps me clean by going where ever I went to and wipes her hands all over it. She smiles and thinks she is helping so I let her do it. She wakes around with a paper towel cleaning everything, even the dog...it's the cutest. 

11:30 to 12:30: It's our play time together. I sit on the floor with her and we just laugh and play. I read books to her, she reads to me and sometimes we watch tv. Yo Gabba Gabba has been played on repeat at our house thanks to Amazon Prime

12:30 pm: After all that eating we build up an appetite so we sit and have lunch together. Little Mama has loved olives as of late, but I can not get her to eat a vegetable. I know its phases, but feeding a toddler is super hard. Today she ate.  

1:45 pm: Little Mama goes down for a nap. She only naps once a day now. While she sleeps I study for my social worker license. It is a super intense exam and I have to take it at the end of August. Nap time is the only time I have to myself and today she napped for two whole hrs which is super rare.

3:45 pm: Little Mama wakes up. While I cook she watches Ellen. Today I made meatballs which is my husband's favorite.

4:30 pm: Hubby is home and we have dinner together. little Mama is not too thrilled about the meatballs and throws them overboard. I give her a yogurt and cheese which is loves.

5:30 pm: We head out for some shopping and Little Mama insists on walking around showing us what is on her list of things that she wants. We looked for some beach toys as we are going to head out to the beach this weekend. 

9 pm: We got back home and got ready for bed time. Little Mama took a bath and was in bed by 9 pm. I am exhausted too so I watched a Dateline episode on my iPad and fell asleep watching it. I hate when that happens as I start to dream about being in the episode and Dateline is not one of those shows you want to be in! Scandel yes, Dateline, not so much. 

Reflecting on becoming a Stay at Home Mom. Part One

As I sit here writing this post I can not believe where the time has gone. The saying, "Enjoy it because it goes by fast" holds true especially the first year watching your little one grow into a little person. There has been many sleepless nights, diaper changes, laughs, cries, bottle washes (damn you Dr Brown and all your darn components) and sweet toddler kisses.

It has been hard.
Other times its has been easy.
It has been a wonderful blessing.

The day that we decided that I was going to become a stay at home mom was a mix of emotions. I was happy to not be going back to my job as a child protective social worker. I did not like my job in the least bit and it had gotten to the point where I felt very stuck in my career. The money was decent so it was as if the agency had "golden handcuffs" on me as some have called it. Although the money was good the stress level was increasing and it had gotten to a point where it was impacting my everyday life. I had not been sleeping well or eating right. Sunday night consisted of dreading having to go to the office the next day. It was just not for me, not anymore. Then I gave birth to my little one and when our very trusted day care provider (my mother) could not care for little mama my angst increased by a zillion.

So, we decided, together, that staying home to raise our little one was the best choice for us.

It has not been a choice that I have regretted. NOT EVEN ONCE.

There are many changes that have taken place over the last year. Some I expected. Some I did not. As I sit here and write this post, I think it best to break it down into several posts over the next few weeks. Today the focus with be on the number one change...money.

Money: It is obvious that one of the big changes that comes with becoming a SAHM is the loss of an income. That was pretty obvious. It was hard, yes, but it was more of a mental adjustment. I had to reprogram what my priorities were.

I thought I was frugal as I shopped at Forever 21 or Charlotte Russe with only the occasional ModCloth splurge. What I didn't realize was that in my old life, I barely wore an outfit twice. I mean, who the hell did I think I was, Jennifer Lopez. My life focused a lot around what I was wearing that when I now look back at different moments in my life I can recall, with ease, what I was wearing and not some much on what was "going on". It's sad really. The mentality that I had with clothes was pretty much how I felt about lots of things in my life. I had dozens of body spritzes, lotions, make up and don't even get me started on my scrapbooking supplies!

So, change. I had to change. It was hard at first, but over time, it become really easy. Now a days if there is a party coming up I don't spend weeks thinking about what I will wear. Instead I just put something together that I already have. I still look just as good as I did in my old life, just without all the stress. And with my scrapbooking supplies, I use all of my stuff. I no longer hoard anything.

I bargain shop for my little mama clothes. Mostly I buy in the clearance section for the following year which saves a TON! We also have a friend who gives us her little ones' clothes. My husband doesn't like to buy himself any clothes so that is what he gets for Christmas. Again, I look for deals which around the holidays are the best.

Grocery shopping is done at the "cheaper" market and we buy in bulk when we can. I am also big on finding recipes to turn left overs into other fabulous meals via Pinterest. I also try to use up everything we have, and I mean every last bit before I grocery shop again. I find that it helps me to make new things and it also avoids things from expiring in your pantry.

We don't go out to eat as much anymore which is not as bad as I thought it would be. Most of the time we ate out when I was too stressed from work to cook. Now, when we do go its to just enjoy time together as a family. We look for deals when we do go and have used Groupons. We also take advantage of local restaurants weekly deals. For example, Buffalo Wild Wings has half price wings every Tuesday!

When it comes to going out during the day with my little mama, we head over to our local zoo which we purchased a year membership. We are able to get discounts at other zoos and also have free admission to some others. It's small, but is the perfect place for a picnic which she just loves. Our local library is another one of our favorite hot spots. They have free music groups and they also have free and discounted tickets to other area parks and museums. It is really a good resource.

Cutting out unnecessary expenses was another area that we focused on. For one week we jotted down everything we spent money on and we were shocked at how much money went to useless stuff or how much we overspent on things were could get for cheaper. For example, the dreaded cable bill. We noticed that were had the television on most of the time as background noise and when we did watch it, we typically watched local channels. I mean, occasionally I would indulge in a Lifetime movie or two, but not enough to spend $125 a month on. So we decided to cancel our cable. We got Netflix and Amazon Prime. We ordered a Roku which is an little device that houses all of our TV apps for easy access. Honestly, I have not once regretted getting rid of cable. My only regret was not doing it sooner.

We also brew our own coffee rather than stopping at the coffee shop and my husband bags his own lunch. You would be so surprised on how much money that saves!

I don't go for manicures and pedicures or even massages like I did before. I don't get my hair done as often.

What I didn't expect was the guilt I would feel when I have to tell a friend that I can't go out for food and drinks. I can go out for a drink or two, but not dinner too. I start to calculate how much it will all cost and after I run the numbers I just can't justify spending $50 on a few hours of being out. I do enjoy spending time and talking to my friends, I do, just not the price tag. Some friends have understood this and they don't make me feel guilty about it. I meet them usual after they have had dinner. It's great.

I have realized that having money did not make me any happier than I am now.
Now I am happy.
I am really happy.


"True happiness lies in things money can't buy" Sachidanand Das.

Celebrating many firsts...

Since having my daughter, I have celebrated many firsts: First teeth, first words and most recently first steps. These are big milestones that I came to expect when I thought about what it would be like to have a child. What I did not expect was all the great in-between firsts that are just as epic.

Like the other day, for example, my husband told little mama that it was time to change her diaper. She got up and walked over to the bedroom, grabbed her changing pad and laid on the floor waiting to be changed. My husband and I just looked at each other and grinned the biggest cheesiest smiles. It was a moment when we realized that all the talking that we have done with her over the last year has not been merely us talking to ourselves, but she was listening. She was processing it all and storing it to impress us randomly one day.

Since that day we have "tested" her on many things like "its bath time" and she races over to the bathroom. My favorite is when I say, "do you want to go bye - bye?" This question ignites a giant giggle as she walks to her room to get her shoes.

So yes, milestones are big news and deserve many rounds of clapping on repeat, but the small stuff is pretty big too.

Facing a Challenge

The other day, while laying out catching some rays and relaxation I browsed through some Podcasts looking for some motivation. Since becoming a stay at home mom some luxuries like satellite radio have been removed and in place noteworthy free Podcasts have been my go to. I stumbled upon a Podcast titled "Daily Boost".  The host, Scott Smith, spoke about some of our greatest achievements coming after some sort of adversity, I thought about it for a bit and allowed this thought to simmer. I began to catalog my major life accomplishments and the events leading up to these epic accomplishments were a result of a major set back or in some cases tragedy.

In November 2008, I went through a terrible break up. It affected my work place because silly me my ex also worked with me. Shortly after our break up he began to date another coworker. I was devastated and not so much because of the loss of the relationship since I knew it was not good for either of us, but more of the embarrassment that he was now dating a coworker. It was terrible and I wanted to find another job ASAP. As a social worker, my job as a child protective worker paid well. I decided at that moment that I was going to apply to grad school. By this time it was late November and the application deadline was the first week of January 2009. I only had a few weeks to get my essay and application ready. I work diligently; day and night on it. The Social Work Masters Program at the local university was very competitive and I wasn't sure if I was going to be accepted, but what I did know was that I wanted the essay to convey exactly who I was. I looked passed people's advice that I needed to be what they wanted me to be and rather than quoting Ghandi, I quoted who I love, Madonna. Well, it worked and I was accepted. I graduated in May 2011.

In January 2010, while enjoying some karaoke with some friends at a local bar we witnessed a man shoot his wife twice and then take his own life. It is an image and still replays in my mind very vividly. He was only feet away from us and the chaos that surrounded me as people scattered everywhere. Horror movies always show the victims standing still or falling as they are running and I have been one of those who have shouted at the television, "run, run, run", but in that moment fear took over my body and I was paralyzed. I had been dating someone at the time and that relationship quickly fizzed shortly afterwards. I don't think he was strong enough to handle what I was going through at the time. I didn't even know what I was going through. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't work. It affected me and like a nightmare it played over and over again. I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). One month after the shooting, I booked a trip to the Azores. This was a big deal for me because I was deathly afraid of being on airplanes and hadn't been on one since I was 12. I figured that I could die just sitting at a bar enjoying some music so why not travel and see the world.  And see the world I have after that tragic event. I have been to the Azores twice, California three times, Las Vegas and Punta Cana. All trips that I would never have gone to had it not been for that event.

Another good thing that came out of that tragic event was that I realized that I was just dating the same guy over and over again. Sure, their names were different, but they were all the same type. Guys that I either knew growing up or they were the friend of a friend. I needed a change and I decided to join Match. com. Again, being a child protective worker most of my work friends told me not to join because what if my client saw my profile and found out I was online looking for a mate. The shame that people made me feel kept me away from the site for a while, but after the shooting I didn't care about how anyone felt and I was "doing me". So, I joined in the first week of March 2010. I met my future husband on March 26, 2010. I canceled my membership in April 2010. I often joke with him that he was the best $30 I have ever spent.

Fast forward to this past year. While out on maternity leave from work a position at my job became available. It had been my dream job. I had applied for it the year before and was told that I did not get it because the position was not in my office and was given to someone who worked in that office. I was told that I was "perfect" and "have nothing to work on". I was also encouraged to apply once the position became available in my office. In June 2013, the position was posted for my office. I was delighted and applied right away. I had been working hard on making myself the best candidate and I worked hours joining countless groups, seminars, etc that was related to that job in order to promote myself as the best person for the job. Then the interview came and most of the questions were not related to my skills and accomplishments, but mainly focused on their "valid concerns" of how I would be able to be flexible with a baby. I remember leaving that interview knowing in my heart that I was not going to get the job, a job that the year before, when I wasn't a mother or pregnant, I was told I was perfect for. I cried. I cried a lot. The whole interview I was on the defense and could not stop thinking about how they did not want me because I had a baby. A few weeks later I was called for a second interview, but at that point, I knew that the job was not mine. They had not even called my references. I mean, how does one have a second interview but their references are never even contacted. I was devastated. This was my career as I saw it falling apart. It was now September and I was set to return to work in October and my husband turned to me and said, "well, why don't you stay home and raise Marisol and get your social work license that way you can go out on your own". I recall sitting there thinking, I could never just quit my job! Yet, I could not picture giving my baby to a day care to raise. So, I made the choice to stay home and it has been THE BEST! Sure, I miss the financial gains that my job provided me, but I don't miss the stress and heartache that dealing with children who are abused and neglected.

So, right now I am a stay at home mom studying for my license (which is so intense), raising my little one and building my Etsy shop as well as this blog. It is a journey that I would have never thought would have happened to me, but this is where I am meant to be.

The Daily Boost offers daily inspiration for $1 a month and they offer new free monday Podcasts which is what I have been opting for at the moment. It is some powerful thought provoking stuff. I encourage you to think back at your life. Have there been moments were your greatest achievements came through some adversity or loss?

Mother's Day

The weather in New England yesterday was exactly what every mother asked for, it was sunny and warm with a hint of summer smells mixed in. People escaped from their hibernations and ventured outside. I am sure that my allergies will pay for it since everyone, literally everyone was outside mowing their lawns, but it was a perfect day. We went to the park and little Marisol went on the swing for the first time ever. People tell you how amazing having children is, but until you actually physically see in their eyes the enjoyment of doing new things for the first time, you don't know how much of a blessing those moments are. A year ago she was so small and now she is swinging on a swing laughing hysterically over it.

I know that it is a day late, but I hope that you all have a wonderful holiday and celebrated being a mom. It truly is the most perfect job that I have been very blessed to have been honored to have!

What I have been taught...

Over the last year, my little girl has been a sponge and has absorbed so much information and she has learned a ton of new stuff. I expected that. What I did not expect was what I would also be learning in the process. I have learned that I am a pretty consistent person with daily routines which has helped Marisol ease into her own routine. I have also learned that things in life that I thought made me happy really did not. I mean, every week I would go out and buy clothes. Heaven forbid if I ever repeated an outfit. I would plan sometimes for months what I would wear to something and now looking back I don't ever recall the details of the event other than what I wore. Surely living on one income has certainly changed my view on money, but it has made me realize that what I wear to things are not as important as what is actually going on in the event. I love that now I spend far less time (even though it may be out of my control) on getting ready for events and more time just enjoying them. It has been wonderful!

Well, last night was little one's birthday and here she is enjoying her cake. We live by the selfie theory that if you open your mouth you always look like you are having a good time as Hoda always says :)

Enjoy hump day!

Happy birthday to my Little lady

A year ago today, I became the your mama. It was the happiest and scariest day of my life. I was so happy to finally met who had been kicking me for the last few months. You were the most beautiful baby my eyes had ever seen. I stared at you for hours that first day as I could not believe that you were really mine. How did I get so lucky. At the same time I was very scared. Mama was not a baby person and you were so small. You weighed 6 pounds 14 ounces. I had no idea what I was doing. Sure, mama was 37 and I had worked with kids before as a child protective social worker, but I knew nothing about how many times to feed you or even how to nap you. Those first few days were hard. Mama had a c-section which got infected as it tried to heal, but each day got better. Mama breastfeed you and that too was very hard in the mama's milk didn't come in right away and you were a bit fussy. Some people call it colic, but after a few months were survived all the hard moments and when you were four mouths things entered into an AMAZING time! You are always smiling and you are always chatting away. You talk so much and you are so smart. I am sure that other mama's think the same thing about their babies but I really think you are the smartest one year old ever. You said mama at four months! If that isn't smart then I am crazy. So today I thank you for giving me the chance to be your mama. 

I love you, I love you, I love you!

ox

Mama

What I want to teach my daughter...body image

While at my mother's house the other day I came across this photo. I gasped as I looked at it. I was 12. I should of been focusing on how young I was and how carefree. On how I did not have any worry in the world other than to get my homework done. Instead, I could not help but forces on my gut. What the hell was I thinking wearing that bathing suit. I then quickly realized that I when I was younger I used to wear a t-shirt over this bathing suit because I thought I was fat. I was 90 pounds. How could I have thought that I was fat. I mean look at that gut!

I never had a thigh gap and my stomach will never ever be flat. These are the things that I have begun to accept over the last year. After giving birth to my daughter last spring, I had decided right before I had her that I was going to bounce right back to what I looked like before I had her. To my surprise that did not happen and it did not happen a year later. Sure the scale went back to pre baby weight after some weeks, but my body shape is quite different. I have to accept that it may never be the same, but I have reframed how I look at myself as I have come to realize that I have spent way too many hours thinking about my appearance.

I know I am not the only one how has many clothes in the closet labels as fat clothes and when I get skinny again clothes. Having a daughter changes how you look at the world and the way in which people are accepted. I do not want her to worry as I did about what I am going to wear and on how I have to suck in my gut all night.

SO lets embrace how we look and love our selfs. This is something that the Today Show has been promoting over the last couple of weeks so it is very much inspired by them. Follow the link to find out more :)

These hands...

In a few days she will be nine months. 

She has grown so much. Eight months and three weeks ago she could not even hold her head up. She could not focus on my silly face trying to make her giggle. She could not fall asleep on her own and she needed me for everything. 

Today, I looked at her and I can not believe how much she has grown. She can feed yourself your own bottle. She can hold her head up and look all around, especially when she is looking for best doggie friend Olive. This week she even used a play fork and pretended to use it as a phone. Daddy and I looked at each other and we both simultaneously teared up.

I have lived 38 years and of all the sounds my ear have ever heard none have been so sweet as her the sound of her belly laugh. I laugh, and cry each and every time I hear it. 

This little girl has captured my heart and I absolutely love her a love that is the best love ever imaginable.

As we approach another milestone "birthday", I want to just remember these big moments. I want to just bottle them up and engrave them in both my heart and my mind. 

Photographing myself into life

I am sure many of you will nod your head as you are reading this post. After looking through my project life pictures, I noticed a trend after my daughter was born. The pictures, of course all very lovely, were mostly composed of her, her with the dog, and her and my husband. Somewhere along the way, I disappeared. I will admit that early after I had her I was not feeling the most "photogenic" as I was totally convinced that I was going to be a size 5 when I left the hospital like all the celebrities are after they have their children, but that wasn't the case at all. I wanted the attention to be faaar away from me and now looking back I wished I hadn't done that. 

I also noticed that I rarely took any photos of our "special moments" like our morning walks when she was a newborn over the summer when the air was still crisp before the hazy sun almost melted the pavement. Sure, I took pictures of her and the dog, but where was I. I was there. I was in that moment, but why was I stuck behind the camera. 

For over a year I have an app on my phone to set a timer and I rarely ever use it, but that is changing. I am making an effort to photograph myself into my life. I think I read that somewhere once, maybe it was Ali Edwards. She is a smart cookie, maybe it was her, but I digress from the point I was trying to make which was that when my daughter looks through these albums that I spend countless hours creating and enjoying the process, I want her to see me as being a part of her life. I also want to document our "days". As a stay at home mom, our days are sometimes the same, but I want her to know what it was like. I want her to know what our routines were like. So that is my mission. 

The picture below is an ordinary morning for me and fofinha, but it is one of my favorite parts of the day. She loves eating breakfast and never gives me a hard time to eat her cereal with fruit. Now in the afternoon that is a whole other story because she is not on a phase of not eating any vegetables. She went from a baby who would even eat spinach to one who refuses to eat anything that is even remotely related to a vegetable, so on this day I mixed her veggies in her cereal and poof like magic she ate them...it was epic and I had one of those mommy brain moments of "why didn't I think of that earlier". See now I could have just journaled this when showing a picture of just my daughter, stuck it in our scrapbook and called it a day, but seeing me in the photo gives it more life. You know what I mean...

So with that I plan on setting my timer on my phone and taking at LEAST four pictures a week of me involved in what we are doing. Do you want to embark on this journey with me? Let me know how you plan to photograph yourself into your life...

Here is a link to some helpful hints on how to get you in front of the camera. 

One Little Word 2014

In years past I have picked words for Ali Edward's One little word project and i have failed to ever complete it. You see, that is a theme in my life. I am very excited to start projects and have a zillion of them racing through my mind but rarely do any ever come to fruition. So this year I have chosen the word "Complete" which is something that I want to reflect on throughout the year. What will your word be?